55

I’ve just completed my 55th solar return and just for shits & giggles, I decided to do a headstand on my birthday again. Simply because I can and because it makes me feel strong, mentally and physically. And it reminds me that this strength has been hard won and that, in and of itself, is worthy of celebration.

Sirsasana, or headstand pose, is not just a fancy party trick though. It is a very powerful yogic posture that is purported to have a host of healing benefits, but most notably, for me, it is about turning things upside-down and shifting perception. Seeing things from a new angle helps me to notice what I hadn’t before, and in many cases, it helps me to see more clearly.

Add to this shift in perception the fact that I have been seeing repeating 5’s EV.ERY.WHERE. I’ve seen it as 5:55 am and pm on various devices and clocks, 555 on car license plates (two of them parked nearly right next to each other!), 5’s on oracle cards, AND my 55th birthday this year falls in the 5th month. Now, if you’re a numerology nerd like I am, you likely know about the significance of 5’s - they are a symbol of change and transformation. Which is, apparently, my modus operandi in this lifetime. Oh, lucky me!

If you know me well, you know that I’ve gone through a LOT of changes in the last several years, and after hitting the big “M” of menopause, I was starting to feel like I was floating in the dark void of outer space with nothing to tether me to the ground (this is truly one of my biggest fears and one of the reasons I could never bring myself to watch the movie Gravity with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, but I digress…)

I was starting to reflect on all the life changes I’ve navigated in my life, the detours and off-the-beaten paths, both chosen by me and for me, and wondering what it all means, and more importantly, where am I going next. I don’t really like the term “mid-life crisis”, but I can’t deny that it is a potent moment in time where we can look back and then become much more intentional as we move forward. Okay, maybe for me it did feel a little bit like a crisis because I truly didn’t know what next direction to take or who I was anymore. I know a lot of people can relate to this, regardless of age, and the good news is that this IS part of the journey, NO you are not lost (though you feel like it), AND you WILL triumph.

I know this because, fortunately, I have spent a good deal of time discovering the unhealthy patterns in my thoughts & beliefs, my romantic relationships, and even with my career and money. I have done a lot of work to heal and grow, and I can honestly say that there is much to be proud of (the old Anji would not have ever dreamed of being proud of herself unless it came in the form of some sort of external validation, so to have pride in myself is no small victory.). I could list all the accomplishments and notable experiences in my life, which I am very proud of, but what I’m really REALLY proud of is just being me!

Now, as I complete my 55th year, I feel like the Phoenix, rising again renewed, reimagined, reignited. My business Soulful Living is an extension of this - recognizing and embracing who I have come here to be: a spiritually inspired teacher and mentor. Alchemizing the wisdom from all my previous years to help others along their path while further clearing the way for my own continuing journey. I feel more connected, clear, and confident than I have ever been in my short life, and though I can still fall prey to that cunning thief of joy - comparison, I may have just finally reached a place in my life where I no longer measure myself against others.

For I am one singularly unique miracle that is a reflection of the ONE great miracle of Spirit, and my path is mine to blaze. I am ecstatic to see how my journey continues to unfold!

Someone wished me a happy birthday and said, “So, how does it feel to be 29 again?" with a winky-face emoji. While the sentiment was funny and cute, I can honestly say that I would never want to be 29 again. “They” would have us believe that chasing the fountain of youth is the path to happiness. I heartily disagree, for I believe there is no greater wisdom teacher than experience, and no greater gift she gives than the deepest self-love and acceptance. Best birthday present ever!

So, how does it feel to be 55? Pretty f*cking amazing.

P.S. Thank you to EVERYONE who reached out to wish me a happy birthday and help me celebrate. Social media has its ugly underbelly, but one of the greatest joys for me is seeing those birthday messages from people all over the world who I have had the pure joy of connecting with, however briefly. You have no idea how much it means to be seen and loved by all of you!

What’s even better? That I can see and love myself now too.

xoxo, Anji